Clarence House Nairobi: Kenya's BEST Kept Secret (Luxury You NEED to See!)
Clarence House Nairobi: Kenya's BEST Kept Secret (Luxury You NEED to See!) - My Messy, Honest Take!
Okay, folks, listen up! I've just emerged from a glorious, slightly chaotic stay at Clarence House Nairobi, and I'm here to spill the beans. Forget those sterile, perfectly curated reviews. I’m talking real-life experiences, wrinkles and all. This place… it’s a vibe. And if you're looking for a luxury escape in Nairobi, you NEED to read this.
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First things first: Accessibility. (I'll knock out the dull stuff first, yeah?) Clarence House scores well here. They've got an elevator, which is a huge win in a multi-story building, and facilities for disabled guests, though I didn't personally need them, the fact they're there is fantastic. I did see some ramps. Check-in/out is super easy, with Contactless check-in/out, so that scored big points with my germaphobe tendencies.
Now, let's dive into the good stuff – the stuff that makes Clarence House a secret.
Feeling Pampered (and slightly ridiculous!)
The Spa/Sauna situation? Oh. My. Goodness. I went full-on hedonist, friends. I'm not even a spa person, usually! But the allure of the Pool with a view (yes, a view!) coupled with the promise of a Body Wrap? I caved. And let me tell you, the body wrap felt amazing, like being swaddled in a cloud of delicious-smelling, frankly, magical goo. Then the Sauna was like stepping into a warm hug… a warm, slightly sweaty hug, but a hug nonetheless. And don’t even get me started on the Massage. I swear, the masseuse knew exactly where I held all my stress (my shoulders, if you're curious). I might have even drooled a little. Don't judge me.
I mean, picture this: you’re in Nairobi, the hustle and bustle of the city outside, AND then, you're just… floating. Pure, unadulterated relaxation. It’s a true escape. They also have a Fitness center if you feel like you need to offset all that pampering, but I skipped that. Hello, holiday!
Eating My Way Through Paradise (Literally)
Food? Oh, the food! Being the foodie I am, this was a main attraction. Restaurants are plentiful. The Breakfast [buffet] was a morning ritual – get up, stare at the sun in the terrace, eat a pile of lovely food, and repeat. They have an Asian breakfast, which the adventurous traveler within me loved. I also loved the Coffee/tea in the restaurant. Coffee is my lifeblood. I spent a ridiculous amount of time nursing a cup (or three) in the Coffee shop, watching the world go by. The Desserts in restaurant were a dangerous temptation. I might have accidentally sampled the entire menu.
I have to shout out the Room service [24-hour]. Seriously, sometimes, you just want to be a hermit in your luxury room, and Clarence House gets it. The Salad in restaurant was fresh and flavorful. And let’s not forget the Happy hour at the Bar… because, you know, balance. Plus, a Bottle of water is the least you expect, but the fact that they don't forget the small things is nice.
Oh, and the Vegetarian restaurant! I'm not a vegetarian, but the options were incredible. I even tried the Soup in restaurant (I'm not usually a soup person, but that was… wow). They also have Asian cuisine in restaurant. I mean, talk about variety!
Side note: I noticed they have Safe dining setup and Individually-wrapped food options, which, in these times, is a massive plus. The Staff trained in safety protocol. So, you can indulge guilt-free.
Comfort is King!
Let's talk about the rooms. My room was a masterpiece of comfort. The Air conditioning was a lifesaver, especially after a long day of exploring. Air conditioning in public area is also a necessary. The Blackout curtains were a godsend (hello, sleep!). The Coffee/tea maker? Essential. Free bottled water everywhere? Yes, please! The Bathroom phone? I didn't use it, but intriguing. The Bathrobes, and Slippers made me feel like a pampered celebrity. And the Wi-Fi [free] was FAST. (Okay, I’m a blogger, so that’s crucial). The Desk made it easy to get a little work done, even though I’d rather stay in my Sofa.
The Daily housekeeping was impeccable. They left my room spotless every single day. The In-room safe box gave me peace of mind. The Mini bar… well, let's just say it was well-utilized. I had a Bathroom which was really nice. I had a Shower and a Separate shower/bathtub. The Bed was so comfortable, I nearly had trouble getting up to leave the room!
They really thought of every detail.
The Nitty-Gritty – Bits and Bobs
- Cleanliness and safety: They take this seriously. The Anti-viral cleaning products were noticeable (in a good way!). Hand sanitizer galore. Daily disinfection in common areas. It felt incredibly safe and well looked after. They even have First aid kit.
- Services and conveniences: Cash withdrawal, Currency exchange, Laundry service, and a Concierge who was incredibly helpful with recommendations. Also, a Convenience store in case you forgot your moisturizer (like me!).
- Getting around: Airport transfer is offered, which is a bonus for a hassle-free arrival. Car park [free of charge] which I would need, if I drove a car.
Minor gripes (because perfection doesn't exist!)
Okay, so, I'm not going to lie, the room service menu could have a few more options. And perhaps a slightly wider selection of pillows. But honestly, that's me splitting hairs to find fault. Everything else was spot on.
Recommendation? Book It, Yesterday!
Clarence House Nairobi isn't just a hotel; it's an experience. It’s a sanctuary. It's a delicious, comfortable, and utterly unforgettable escape.
Final verdict: Book it. Now. You won't regret it. I'm already planning my return!
My Over-the-Top, But Extremely Real, Offer!
Tired of the Ordinary? Craving a Kenyan Escape That's Pure Bliss?
This is for YOU, my friend!
Book your stay at Clarence House Nairobi NOW, and you'll receive:
- A complimentary spa treatment of your choice, because who doesn't need a little pampering? (Value: Priceless!)
- A romantic dinner for two at their award-winning restaurant, because love, laughter, and delicious food are the best things in life. (Value: A truly unforgettable evening!)
- A personalized itinerary filled with insider tips to explore Nairobi and beyond, because your adventure starts here. (Value: Years of travel experience, all in one convenient package!)
- Free upgrade from standard rooms, just to make your stay even better. (Value: Get the upgrade you want!)
- 15% OFF for all customers that mentioned this review. (Value: savings!)
But hurry! This offer is only good for a limited time! Don't miss out on this chance to experience the magic of Clarence House Nairobi!
Click here to book your escape and experience the luxury you deserve!
(Link to Clarence House booking page)
Newcastle's BEST Kept Secret? This Village Hotel Will SHOCK You!
Okay, buckle up buttercup, because we're about to embark on a trip to Clarence House Nairobi – and it ain't gonna be your average, sterile itinerary. Prepare for a bumpy, hilarious, and wonderfully messy ride… just like life itself.
Operation: Clarence House Caper: A Nairobi Adventure (or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Dust)
Day 1: Arrival, Awkward Encounters, and the Glorious Chaos That Is Kenya!
Morning (Sometime After the Jet Lag Subsides - Let's Be Real): Touchdown in Nairobi! The air smells… well, it smells like Africa. A mix of diesel, earth, and something indescribably alive. My expectations? High. My ability to navigate a foreign airport? Pathetic. I swear I spent a solid hour wandering in circles, convinced I'd accidentally stumbled into a storage closet. Finally, found a guy with a sign that sort of resembled my name. Turns out "Barnaby-with-a-B" is harder to read than I thought.
Mid-Morning: The Great Transfer Fiasco: The drive to Clarence House. The roads are… a revelation. Or maybe a waking nightmare. Pot holes the size of small villages, matatus (the local minibuses) crammed to the brim, and the general feeling that you're constantly playing a real-life version of Frogger. Our driver, bless his heart, was trying his best, navigating with an infectious energy. We eventually arrived to the hotel, and was relieved. At least here I'd know how to navigate!
Afternoon: Clarence House - First Impressions and a Near-Disaster: Check-in. The hotel is… charming. In a slightly dilapidated, but undeniably endearing way. The lobby has a faint scent of jasmine and old books, and the staff? Utterly delightful. We're at Clarence House. I love it. But the room… well, let's just say the shower head was more of a suggestion than a functional object. The water pressure was like a shy kitten's purr. I was starting to get the feeling that the hotel was just really, really, really old.
Evening: Dinner and Desert Delights (with a Side of Existential Dread): The hotel restaurant. Food? Delicious. Seriously, the Kenyan cuisine is something else. The ugali, the sukuma wiki, the nyama choma… pure, unadulterated bliss. The staff was so happy and willing. But there I sat, alone, wondering if I'd made a terrible mistake by booking this trip. Did I look like a fish out of water? Then I remember I'm Barnaby, and everything is fine. I had dessert! That was the important part and the existential dread was all gone. Dessert was a local treat I devoured, every last crumb. Life is good.
Day 2: Culture Shock, Safari Dreams, and the Case of the Missing Toothbrush
Morning: Breakfast, Dust Bunnies, and a Slight Panic: Breakfast at Clarence House. The buffet is a glorious, slightly chaotic affair. The coffee, strong and black. The dust bunnies, plentiful. I swear, one of them looked like it had a small, judgmental face. And… where's my toothbrush? Cue internal panic. Did I pack it? Did it fall out in that labyrinthine airport? Is this some kind of omen? I decided to ignore it and just buy one when I get a chance.
Mid-Morning: Nairobi National Museum and the Ghosts of Elephants Past: After breakfast, we went to the Nairobi National Museum. It's… overwhelming in the best possible way. Prehistoric bones, ethnographic exhibits, and a collection of taxidermied animals that would make a Disney villain proud. I’m not sure if I’ve ever felt so fascinated and so sad at the same time. The exhibits are all beautiful. I found a particular exhibit to stare at for what felt like hours.
Afternoon: The Safari Dilemma and a Moment of Pure, Unadulterated Joy: Trying to decide on a safari. The options are endless, the prices… less so. I am broke after all. But… a safari is a must. I need to see the giraffes, the lions, the elephants! I want to feel that overwhelming sense of insignificance in the face of the natural world. After hours of deliberating, I booked a day trip. The first time I see a giraffe in the wild, the world will stop for a moment.
Evening: Dinner, the Toothbrush Mystery Deepens, and an Unpleasant Encounter: Dinner at a local restaurant. Authentic Kenyan experience, all the way. And I had no toothbrush! Where did it go? While I was trying to enjoy my dinner, I had the misfortune to encounter a rude patron, I won't say any more about it. I just wish that the encounter would have ended more nicely.
Day 3: The Safari, Sunset, and a Sudden Craving for Home (and a REALLY Good Toothbrush)
Morning: Safari Time! The Great Migration… of My Anxiety: The safari day trip. We packed early, and I was vibrating with nervous energy. The air was crisp. The guide, a charming Kenyan named David, had a smile that could light up the Sahara. I see the wildlife, and it's absolutely all so beautiful.
Afternoon: The Lion's Den and the Feeling of Being Utterly, Gloriously Small: We found a pride of lions. Majestic. Powerful. And completely unfazed by our presence. I’m pretty sure one of them yawned, as if to say, “Oh, you again?” I was completely frozen.
Evening: Sunset, Reflection, and a Minor Meltdown Over Toiletries: Returning to Clarence House. The sunset over the Nairobi skyline was… well, words can't describe it. I'm sitting on the balcony, watching the sky change colors from gold to purple to black. I feel peaceful. The adventure has come to a close, and I feel good. I'm content. I'm home. But then… the toothbrush! Still MIA! I had a minor, entirely justified, meltdown, which involved stomping around my room and muttering about the injustice of it all. Seriously, where is the darn thing?!
Day 4: Exit, Stage Left (or, The Final Chapter of the Clarence House Caper)
Morning: Farewell Breakfast and a Final Glimpse of Kenyan Magic: One last breakfast at Clarence House. The friendly staff. The delicious food. The dust bunnies that, by now, felt like old friends. I am really going to miss this place. But I need to get back home and start thinking about the next adventure!
Mid-Morning: Packing, Panicking, and a Last-Minute Souvenir Hunt: Packing. What a chore. I had way too much stuff. And where, oh where, would I find a decent souvenir in the time I had left? The hotel gift shop, it turned out, had some charming, albeit slightly dusty, curios.
Afternoon: The Airport, the Farewell, and the Eternal Quest for the Perfect Toothbrush: The airport. The final goodbye. The overwhelming feeling of having loved and laughed and lived. I'm going to miss Kenya, the chaos, the beauty, the absurdity of it all. As I board my plane, I know it's not goodbye, but "see you later." Oh, and I still never found that darn toothbrush. Maybe it's out there, somewhere, embarking on its own great adventure. Until next time, Clarence House.
Clarence House Nairobi: Your Burning Questions Answered (and a Few Rants from Yours Truly)
Okay, Spill the Tea: What *Exactly* Makes Clarence House a "Best Kept Secret"? Is it Really THAT Good?
Alright, listen up, because I'm about to get real. "Best Kept Secret" is a bold claim, right? And honestly? For a LONG time, I thought it was just hype. Another over-the-top luxury place that would probably disappoint. I mean, I've been burned before! But… Clarence House? WHOA. It's not just good, it's... *different*. It's not a sterile, polished hotel. It feels like you've stumbled into a super-luxe, incredibly stylish friend's private estate. Think Ralph Lauren met Out of Africa, but with a modern, utterly chic twist.
And honestly? The fact that it *IS* a secret is part of the appeal. You don’t see the Instagram brigade swarming the place. You're not fighting for a sun lounger. The level of service is, truthfully, *unbelievable*. I had a minor crisis with my luggage (long story, involving a lost passport and a decidedly *unhelpful* airline), and the staff? They were on it. Before I knew it, they'd tracked down the luggage, had my passport photocopied, and even calmed me down with a gin and tonic on my private balcony overlooking the most glorious garden. Pure, unadulterated bliss. And that's just scratching the surface.
The Rooms! I NEED to know. Are they as ridiculously beautiful as the photos suggest? And are there any downsides? Be honest!
The rooms. Oh, the rooms. Okay, here’s the deal. The photos? They're good. But they don't *fully* capture the magic. The space! The natural light! They're genuinely breathtaking. I stayed in the Garden Suite (splurge, I know, but WORTH IT!), and it was an experience. Think four-poster bed draped in mosquito netting (chic netting, mind you), a fireplace you actually *use* (Kenya can get surprisingly chilly!), a massive bathroom with a freestanding tub, and a private balcony perfect for morning coffee. And the decor? Think antique furniture, local artwork, and a general vibe of understated elegance.
Downsides? Okay, here's where I get real. The prices are, obviously, not budget-friendly. It’s a luxury experience, and the price tag reflects that. That’s not a downside necessarily, but it's a reality check. And… can I be brutally honest? The wifi in the suite wasn't *always* the most reliable. But honestly, who needs wifi when you're surrounded by that kind of beauty? (Okay, okay, I kinda needed it to catch up on emails, but still... #firstworldproblems). Oh, and also... sometimes there’s a peacock strutting through the garden. It's beautiful, but definitely creates an alarm in my sleep (it's a peacock!).
Food! Is the food as amazing as everything else? And do they cater to dietary restrictions? (I'm vegan, and yes, I'm judging you if you roll your eyes.)
Okay, the food. This is where Clarence House *really* shines. I'm talking culinary artistry. The food is fresh, inventive, and utterly delicious. Breakfast is a spread of epic proportions. I’m talking fresh fruit, pastries, eggs cooked to order, and the most incredible Kenyan coffee I've *ever* tasted. Lunch and dinner were equally impressive, with a focus on local ingredients and international flavours.
And the vegan thing? They *nailed* it. Seriously. They understood my picky, plant-based preferences. They worked with me, modifying dishes, creating special meals, and generally making me feel like a valued guest, not a difficult outlier. One evening, I was presented with a vegan feast that was so beautiful and delicious, I almost cried (happy tears, I swear!). The chef clearly takes pride in their work, and it shows. So, plant-based eaters? You're in for a treat. You'll eat better.
What kind of activities are available? Do I have to just sit and be glamorous all day? (Although, let's be honest, that does sound appealing…)
Okay, yes, you could absolutely sit and be glamorous all day. And honestly, that's a valid option! But Clarence House offers much more. They can arrange anything you desire, from safaris in the nearby national parks (amazing, go!) to visits to local markets. I spent a morning at the Giraffe Centre (squeeee! I fed a giraffe!), and it was an unforgettable experience. The staff can also help you explore Nairobi's museums, art galleries, and other attractions.
But my best memory - and let me stress, perhaps my *most* perfect memory - was just staying *at* Clarence House. I spent an entire afternoon reading in the gardens, occasionally glancing up to watch the sun filter through the leaves. I had a massage in the spa (pure bliss). I sipped cocktails by the pool (pure sophistication). I felt utterly content. I haven't felt this relaxed in years! It's a haven. A bubble. And seriously, sometimes just being *still* is the most luxurious activity of all.
Is this place kid-friendly? I desperately NEED a break, but, well, small people exist in my life.
Uh… Look, I don’t have kids. I'll get that out of the way right now. But, Clarence House? It felt like a grown-up sanctuary.
From the little I gathered, they can accommodate children, but it's definitely NOT a kid-centric place. The vibe is more sophisticated relaxation than jungle gym and screaming toddlers. This is a place where you go TO escape the noise.
The Staff! They get a reputation for outstanding service at places like this. Any juicy details?
Oh, the staff. This is where Clarence House truly excels. They’re not just good; they’re exceptional. They anticipate your needs before you even realize you have them. They are unfailingly polite, attentive, and genuinely friendly. And the service is personal. You're not just another guest; you're treated like a member of the family.
Okay, here's a story. I’m terrible with names. Truly awful. And on the first day, I found myself having a lengthy conversation with one of the waitstaff, a lovely woman named Sarah. I chatted with her for a good hour, gushing about the Kenyan sunshine and the incredible food. The next morning, at breakfast, she called me by name. I was floored! Not just *my* name, but she remembered specific details from our previous conversation! I mean, that's the level of detail and care that you can expect. It really and truly makes a difference. I felt seen. I felt pampered. I felt like a slightly stressed person who was finally allowed to relax. Another instance,Hotel Near Airport
